Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
