then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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