her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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