i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
