Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
