boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
