Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
