It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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