you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
