she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
