after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
