Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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