why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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