y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
