they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
