It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
