I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
