ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
