i think i have two assholes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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