I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
