I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
