i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
