Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
