Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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