I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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