On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
