I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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