Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
