my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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