her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
