I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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