i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
