i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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