how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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