video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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