The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
