Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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