Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this beer tastes like vomit already
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
