I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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