I wish my penis had an off switch
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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