after a month anything with tits is on the radar
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
