When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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