Don't you send me to vm
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
