If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
