we're blogging at a bar
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
