I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
