this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i think i just lost a toe
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