i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
