It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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