Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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