I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
