New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
