i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
