if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
