JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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